Sunday, September 4, 2011

You Should Have a Blog...

I'm tired of hearing those words.  Yes, I agree - I should blog.  The problem is that I never know what to write about.  Sure, I agree with you guys; it's like my spawn likes to say, "Mom, you're really funny...sometimes."  The thing is that my humor comes to me spontaneously.  I don't think about half the things I say.  The words flow effortlessly when I don't have to think about them; like a reflex if reflexes were comedic, slightly sarcastic, and somewhat disturbed.   When I sit in front of this blank screen, I've got nothing.  In my fantasy world, I like to pretend the likes of Stephen King and  Anne Rice suffer from the same woes.  Then I realize that the last time Stephen King had writer's block he probably looked around his garage, found a giant hammer, and Bamm! he found Emeril.  No, he didn't really find Emeril, but he probably wrote Misery.  And let's face it, it would take Mrs. Rice, who I admire greatly, an average of 900 pages to describe how tortured her writer's block is.

So why can't I commit to this blog?  Is this just not my calling?  Will the world ever know? And why does Roland Martin insist on wearing ascots?  I always have something to say, except now when staring blankly at this screen where thoughts go to die.  There has to be a way to get motivated.  Maybe I'm just not getting it, like Twitter.  When I first started tweeting, I had no idea what to tweet.  It made no sense to edit my thoughts to 140 characters to share them with a bunch of strangers.  I honestly don't care what any of you had for breakfast, unless it was illegal and then I care a little, so why should you care about me?  And then one fine summer day, or maybe some other season (my perception of time is as lacking as my blogging skills), I got it.  The tweets were not for anyone else.  They're just a collection of narcissistic one liners to keep for myself, except of course for the occasional rant to Comcast, AT&T or US Air. It's a sort of character limited memoir.

What I need, is a plan.  What I'll do, is the following:  I'll move a few old entries that I've written elsewhere before, just to keep some activity here.  The next time that something interesting happens to me and I think "I should blog about this," I'll write it down so I don't forget.  I must do this; I need to tell my stories in a place where my right to unlimited character use is respected.  I'm going to make this happen and if all else fails, there's always the backup plan; we should buy a bar...we should totally buy a bar.