So once upon a time, because this happened weeks ago and I kept saying, "I'll blog it tomorrow," because I'm
Anonymous Shopper: "Why are these eggs vegetarian?"
Me: (*After looking around for someone who cared, like a Publix employee, his nutritionist, or a wife, any wife.) "Because it says so on the box and you're about to pay four bucks?"
Anonymous Shopper: "But I thought vegetarians didn't eat eggs."
Me: (*Damn, sarcasm didn't work. The force is strong in this one.*) "Some do. They're technically unfertilized chicken ovums, so it's only half the guilt."
Anonymous Shopper: "Really?"
Me: (*Jesus H. Christ - it's gonna be a minute. Think fast - give him more fractions.*) No, not really. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the chicken's diet and not the shopper's. So it's really half a chicken and that half chicken is vegetarian, so it's actually a quarter of the guilt."
I accepted the awkward moment of silence that followed while he did math in his head, that he was probably not very good at because he looked most confused, as my queue to move on to the next aisle. So the moral of the story is: Never talk to strangers - if that stranger is me.